Days Without Dizziness: 9

I had to reset to clock on Dec. 11 because I had a weird feeling during Staff Development Day (insert jokes here) and had to go home. I wasn’t sure if a full attack was imminent or if it would go away on its own. I live 10 minutes from work so I chose to go home, sleep for exactly 40 minutes, rise, determine I felt well enough to return, and slip back into work. I only missed one full session. It was surreal, actually. Even though it wasn’t a full attack, I still restart the clock when dizziness keeps me from doing what I would normally do.

I haven’t posted a book list for a while because I’ve had to move on to reading stuff for school and I just can’t list that. It’s boring enough to read about the politics of libraries and archives, can’t do that to my 18 readers. I can say thatTrashy Book Fest ‘09 kicks off tomorrow when Ruby and DOG and I leave for Idaho. I have nothing but pure crap checked out to take along.

Even on the years when I was perfectly healthy I never sent Christmas cards. A few years back I stopped even buying them. Saved me from recycling them when I’d find them in June, half filled out. For the first time I’m planning to send an e-card to my clients. We’ll see how this goes. Maybe so well I send to friends. Just in case…
Happy Holidays!

In the past 20 days, I have been dizzy or had a vertigo attack seven times, just about every other day for a while. I’m cautiously optimistic because I’m over half way through the seventh day with no dizziness.

Because I hadn’t been kicked in the nuts in nearly 24 hours, my car was broken into in the staff parking lot yesterday. One of the guards came up around 6:00 PM to see who drove a gray Passat. It’s smokey blue but I knew it was mine. Some wingnut broke the driver’s side rear window to steal my portfolio case of mediocre mechanicals from when I attended the Art Institute of Pittsburgh in 1995. I guess they would have taken the other, bigger, AIP bag I’ve been toting from place to place for 15 years but it weighs over 20 pounds and won’t fit through a window. There wasn’t anything else of value in the car. The stolen case isn’t even leather. The two cases have been in the back seat since I moved. I kinda forgot they were there. I’m slightly bummed about the print copies of the Blue Ribbon Coalition newsletter I edited in about 1992. That was my first job out of college and this was way before PDF archives.

Then I had a full-on vertigo attack last night at 8:09 PM, my first in nearly 8 weeks. It feels like the vertigo was saying, “Hah! I scoff at your Dramamine. See? I caused you to puke it up. Where is your precious Valium now, huh? I will not be denied. Mwahahaha!”

Today at work I got one of the nicest compliments from one of my library kids. One of our regulars, we’ll call him AA-E, told me I do a lot for them and if I ever needed a reference from a patron he’d help me out.

As of 11/14/2009:

• Buffy the Vampire Slayer. season eight. vol. 3, Wolves at the Gate by Drew Goddard. Buffy experiments, Dracula makes an appearance. All together satisfying.
• Seize the Night by Sherrilyn Kenyon. My favorite Dark Hunter novel, this was a re-read
• Hot gimmick. Vol. 12 by Miki Aihara. Manga.
• Love com. 1 by Aya Nakahara. Manga.
• Building a WordPress Blog People Want to Read By Scott McNulty. Highly recommended if you have anything to do with WordPress. I had it on hold for a long time before I got it. Apparently so did someone else because I couldn’t renew it. So I kept it and paid the late fee. It was worth it. It gets into the mechanics of WordPress rather than the best ways to write and publish your blog. I hope to find it electronically to add to my collection.
• A Touch of Dead: Sookie Stackhouse: the Complete Stories by Charlaine Harris
• The Dark-Hunters. Volume 1 by Sherrilyn Kenyon. Graphic novel. I had to put it on hold. It tells the beginning of Kyrian and Amanda’s story which I’ve not read in novel form. Now I don’t have to except I doubt the graphic novel will turn x-rated like the books do. Alas.
• Remember Me to Harold Square by Paula Danziger. I love this author. I read The Pistachio Prescription when I was in junior high. I love this author.
• Picket Fences by Kimberly Cates. Maudlin.
• The Disciples of Trotsky by Cevin Soling. Graphic novel. I found it shoved behind other graphic novels when shelving one day. I don’t think it circulates and will get weeded which is a shame. It should probably not go in Teen, despite its cartoonish style. I found it delightful and subversive.
• Chasing the Bear: a Young Spenser Novel by Robert B. Parker
• The Boxer and the Spy by by Robert B. Parker
• My Soul to Take by Rachel Vincent. Teen book. Well plotted, not too contrived for a book about banshees (spelled bean sidhe in the book). Kaylee was a cool teen I’d want in my library.
• Garden Spells by Sarah Addison Allen. I didn’t like it as much as The Sugar Queen. Garden Spells was her first book. It’s a good thing I didn’t read them in order or I may not have made it to The Sugar Queen which I did like.
• The Jungle by Peter Kuper. Graphic novelization of The Jungle by Upton Sinclair. The artwork was really excellent. It really communicated the despair, hopelessness and filth.

Er, I mean Aspray. Pronounced A-spray. Not ass-spray as I originally assumed. I stand corrected. Even though that’s essentially what it’s for. Pay special attention to the guy 1:15 in. He’ll provide you with a quote you’ll want to remember.

I mentioned a few posts ago that I have been diagnosed with Meniere’s Disease. For my 12 readers I thought I’d post what it actually is. Meniere’s is a fancy-pants name for a wildly inconvenient inner ear disorder. It’s named for a French doctor, Propser Ménière. The four classic symptoms are: tinnitus, hearing loss (mostly in one ear but some unlucky individuals lose hearing in both), ear fullness, and last but not least, vertigo. Ah, yes, vertigo. How I loathe you. We’re not talking being wobbly at heights. No, no, no. Your eyes won’t focus and the world spins violently so immediately you can’t walk without resembling the worst drunk. All you can do is lie down and sleep it off. Except you can’t sleep because of the heart racing, mind spinning and vomitting. At least that’s how it is for me. It occurs with no warning. I’ve had it last anywhere from 2-6 hours. Sometimes months will go by with no vertigo attack and then I get it once per week. Thankfully only once at work. That was embarrassing.

The causes are unknown and there is no cure. Probably because it won’t kill you although you will want to die a little bit while you’re in the midst of a vertigo attack. To further complicate matters, my Menieres might have different causes and triggers than anyone elses. Although there is enough commonality to diagnose it, what works for me may or may not work for someone else. And there’s a lot of trial and error involved.

Right now I’m trying a regimen I found after much research. It’s all herbal/homeopathic. I ran it by my doctor and she gave me the OK to try it. She also perscribed Valium for when an attack is imminent. I hoard those since they are prescription. I also take Dramamine a lot. I really like it, actually. My dreams are really mellow and I sleep well. I avoid the Less Drowsy Dramamine because it makes me loggy the next day. Dr. L has also recommended vestibular rehabilitation which I will try next. She thinks it will work and so do I. I find that if I lay without a pillow I can feel the world tilting. This tells me that some exercises to help balance my ear goo will help. Basically, there’s not much I won’t do to avoid the vertigo.

According to this New York Times Interactive whatever-it-is, white, women, aged 24-44, college educated have an unemployment rate of 3.6% compared to 8.6% for all people. I wonder how accurate these numbers are as my library goes into yet another round of cuts, 30% to be exact, rather than the previously identified 7.5%.

I love the Man in Black. I just never thought my life would be one of his songs. I have been trying to pinpoint when things started to go south. My guess is 2007. I had the prospect of a trip to Africa to keep me distracted but I did start to notice in 2008. It wasn’t until I returned that the slide into a JC song got real. That’s when the shit approached the fan, pardon my French. Here’s why. After months of stress, layoff rumors and multiple interviews with no offers, I did get laid off, managing to keep my job only because people I liked and respected left for greener pastures. My business fell off a cliff. I had financial woes. I was diagnosed with Meniere’s disease. I decided to sell my house. My dad died. My dog died. My house sold and now I have <shudder> to move. And I ain’t got no man. OK, that last part is the last thing on my mind right now but, hey, that’s life in a JC song. At least I never picked cotton or shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

My pal DOG is gone. He did, in fact, have his opposite-of-birthday one week ago. I haven’t been able to think about posting anything sooner. It’s been a tough week since. Not only because I miss him but I’ve had an upswing in vertigo attacks (yet another post) that have kept me from doing anything but the essentials.

I bought him a t-bone steak the night before and cooked it for him rare with butter. He really enjoyed it and the bone, too. I had to lock Ruby out of the room while he ate. I caught her once chewing on the bone which she’d stolen from him. “Ruby, did you steal DOG’s last meal?” I saved a small bit for him for the morning. Then I held him on the couch while I sipped my coffee and cried.

I took him to Christown Animal Hospital. They were very compassionate but matter-of-fact. I needed them to be that way. I was holding together by a thread as it was. They let me stay with him. I won’t describe it except to say it was over quickly and I wouldn’t have missed one minute of it.

I made a short video of him using Animoto. I’m not done with it. I hope to get more photos from my brother and sister. I also have some video to add. You’ll have to forgive me for making the maudlin choice of “Amazing Grace” for the soundtrack. I really love that song. Plus, it’s sad anyway so why not go for it?

My sister and I agreed that he would be creamated. At first she wanted me to bring him home to Idaho for burial but we nixed that idea pretty quick. I just couldn’t see driving 14 hours with a dead DOG in the trunk. Too weird. I will pick up his ashes next week.

The dog was a gift and I miss him.